avoiding braincramp___

Ok, this is pure shit lately. I'm so not happy today taht's it's not even funny. I'm at home, and both my parents have already expressed their disappointment with my choices in life and that, while not directly coming out and saying it, I'm a failure. That makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, let me tell you. So now I feel worthless. Add to that the fact I just got a nasty email from one of my friends who wanted to come visit me and I said no, cause I'd be insanely busy at that time, and he b;ew up at me, and the fact one of my favorite actors killed himself, and the high expectations that are being placed on me by my parents and myself.....I'm gonna self destruct shortly. I can only pray I make it through this week in one piece. I feel like I'm doomed to be unhappy for life. I don't want to be. I'm fighting against it, but it feels like it's all in vain. Why? I don't understand WHY ME?! Why can't I be like my parents want me to be, why can't I be strong and pull myself out of this without help from anyone else, why can't I just be grateful for what i'm given, why can't I just be happy with my lot in life?

angeline cramped @ 05:22 p.m.

Listening to: Nikita - (sekka) I guess it's about time i updated this thing. Things have gone to shit around here, and I can't help but feel really depressed and sad and hate life and myself again. So I write. Mostly in my journal here in my dorm, but I figured I needed to get this cleaned up a bit. So I have. Now i"m off to write some songs and then clean up the room and computer and study and work on my site....

angeline cramped @ 01:04 p.m.